Here is the transcript for Love Secrets with Dr Pat Allen and John Gray
John Gray is the author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” and a popular “relationship guru”.
“6 1/2 Secrets of Love” with Dr. Pat Allen and John Gray
Men are extremely attracted to happy women
And women that are happy are happy alone
And they’re willing to share it
Women are supposed to be in love with themselves, and men want to share in that
A good man is basically one who knows that his job is to give, protect and cherish and that he can expect for that; appreciation, respect and fun
Women do not realise that the only woman a man loves, beyond himself, is his daughter under 10 or his aging mother
All other women shall respect him, or he will go away
The more a man is respected, the more he feels cherished, and that cherishing spills over
So when women send the man “daddy’s bill’’; “love me better than you love yourself”, “the princess”, “the gold-digger”…
Whenever you do that, whoever you get is not a man
Because a man must be respected to feel cherished
Once a woman respects a man, within the boundaries of moral, ethicals and legals, she better get cherished for giving up her right to be independent
Women give up independence, to marry
Men give up irresponsibility, to marry
You cannot be happy or satisfied in your life or feel complete in any way without love
I mean, love is what makes everything go around
You know, and people often think that, well, you know, we do have to pay our bills, and we have to have a job, we have to make money
I mean, you gotta have money but money doesn’t make you happy if you don’t have love
We’re very relationship-oriented
Where men are more, … they want the project, you know; “What am I going to do today?”
Complimentary energy attracts intimacy
Competitive energy neutralizes intimacy
I think… I think…
I feel… I feel…
Once you want him to do it this way or you don’t want him to do it that way
The problem with that is … it’s mothering, and mothering is masculine
The only man who will like a mother is a boy
If you want a boy, he’s perfect
Peter Pan is a wonderful playmate, for a woman who wants to be a permanent mother
But giving too much, protecting too much, and cherishing too much are very, very dangerous invitations to distress, to cortisol, and they are invitations to illness
Happy women are women that pay attention to appreciating what they get
And saying no to what they don’t want, especially if it’s immoral, unethical or illegal
But they don’t get into rebuilding people
Or making other people’s lives work at their expensea
The only way you know you love yourself, or anyone else, is the contracts you’re willing to make and keep, and that’s why everything’s got to be negotiated … mind, body and spirit…
How much time do we need together?
How much time apart?
What am I going to do to make money?
How do we handle it?
How do we handle chores?
When you visit? When I visit? The kids. The this…
And then, finally, play…
How do we play non-sexually?
How do we play sexually?
If you can’t do it yourselves, and it’s a serious relationship, hire somebody like me.
We do this for a living. I became a therapist because of the amount of therapy it took me to become an adult human being!