You can download the transcript for The Motherhood by Fiat
1 This is my crib, and these are my babes.
2 My life and body have somewhat changed.
3 I’m living it large, and by large I mean bigger.
4 At least now I know the difference between a tractor and a digger.
5 I express like the best from these holes in my chest, wear my nursing bra, like a bulletproof vest.
6 Got my bitches by my side and my hose in the back.
7 Swap my sexy handbag for a snot- stained sack.
8 My decor was smart, my taste was extra picky.
9 Now my surfaces are cluttered, and nearly always sticky.
10 Work versus home, is a mental combination…
with my elbows deep, in infant defecation.
11 Wipe the sick off my coat, but the smell still lingers.
12 Gave up on real food, eat leftover fish fingers.
13 Once we’d talk about our lives, now the conversation switches.
14 We compare cesarean scars, episiotomy stitches.
15 It’s the motherhood.
16 It’s another hood.
17 I’d like to welcome you, but now you’re here for good.
18 We go from nappy rash to ending family feuds.
19 And I’m flooding up your timeline with my baby news.
20 Still got my wardrobe but my thong now itches.
21 Designer sofa, but now there’s puke in the stitches.
22 And I’m expressive, I express all the time.
23 ‘Cause the doc said, to not breastfeed is a crime.
24 Tried to get my body back with some yogalates.
25 Hit up the Zumba class swing by these new Pilates.
26 I’m on an Atkins hype, on a Keto diet.
27 I try avoiding the bread so I nearly never buy it.
28 Pop a nappy on his butt without a changing matt.
29 CBeebies now my crew and I’m tight with Postman Pat.
30 Sleep deprived and under house arrest.
31 Think I’d sell both kidneys just to get some rest.
32 Spent three months in PJ’s, it was clearly a sign.
33 Joined a book club just so I could drink some wine.
34 My sterilizers so dope all my bottles be gleaming.
35 I got a blender out the back so I can start up the weaning
36 It’s the motherhood.
37 It’s another hood.
38 And once you’re in the club, you’re in for good.
39 Go from fighting nappy rash to endless doctor queues.
40 And I’m flooding up your timeline with my baby news.
41 Softplay, Gangster. More G. Than your average mother…
42 I’m a school-run-taker, fairy-cake-baker, deal-maker, orgasm-faker, nit-raker, rattle-shaker, Cheese-grater, night-time-waker.
43 I’m-a-placater, peacemaker